The advice you should be avoiding

Because not every path leads to the right destination

It’s easy to listen to people talk, especially when they are literally just all talk. The real challenge is filtering out whatever it is that people are feeding you for information. Not everything that comes out of somebody’s mouth is necessarily true, especially when it comes to any kind of advice or criticism being given.

I’m sure you’ve heard of the expression: don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from. The reality is, just because someone has an opinion it doesn't mean it holds any weight. It certainly shouldn’t be weighing you down in any way unless you really trust this person’s expertise, wisdom, or combination of the two. Otherwise, consider it noise until they can prove it otherwise.

Not everyone knows what’s best for you. Regardless of the area of life, you are the only one who can dictate your own self worth and decisions you make. Not all directions that people point to are the ones that are necessarily pointing to the destination you’re trying to get to. You have to advocate for yourself first.

There are many pieces of advice out there that I could swear by and pass along to you for positive influence, but I didn’t want to do that today. Today, I’m choosing the top five pieces of advice that you should be avoiding. They’re suggestions that I’ve heard time and time again that over the years and throughout different experiences just really get under my skin. I’ve heard them from colleagues, public speakers, thought leaders, entrepreneurs, and idiots.

I’m going to break down each of them, what they mean, and why they’re not as wise as they may initially sound. Maybe you’ll agree, maybe I’ll ruffle some feathers. Either way — let me know your thoughts. Let’s dive in!

1. Fake it til you make it

Ugh. Give me a break. Anyone can show up and be a fraud to play the part and get what they want. That’s not impressive or rewarding. And people can see right through that, so all you do is lower your credibility and reputation as a decent human being. Smiling and nodding isn’t going to build your confidence levels, showing up and taking action is what’s going to push you to the next level.

What I also can’t stand about this piece of advice is that it doesn’t encourage real growth. Sure, you may get yourself into new rooms and potentially still learn, but you won’t be doing it from a genuine place of who you really are. It’s only going to bring your imposter syndrome to new heights too, because you’re never going to feel like you can belong as who you really are. How can you expect people to respect you if you’re not showing up as a real person to respect?

2. Motivation is the key to success

I love motivation. The AHA! Moment was created partially with the objective of motivating others. But it’s not what’s going to get you to the finish line or have you feeling fulfilled in the end. Discipline gets you through every day and action brings you to the finish line successfully.

We’re human and some days, we simply don’t feel like doing things. Getting out of bed, working out, eating healthy, going to work, picking up the phone to call a friend, you name it. Some days are just not it. Our motivation can be at an all-time low and there is only so much we can do to try to raise it. In short, we can’t exactly count on our motivation on a daily basis. Just like we can’t count on the weather man to tell us that it’s going to be sunny tomorrow when more often enough, it ends up being the opposite.

But what we can count on? The commitments we make to ourselves through our disciplinary actions. You made the commitment to yourself to get out of bed today, to go to the workout class, to go to work, to show up for yourself. That’s how we measure success, via the follow through of the commitments we consistently make with ourselves.

3. Start whenever you’re ready!

Shut! Up! You’re never going to feel ready, ever. If you wait until you’re ready, it’s never getting done. You’re never going to do it. You need to start before you’re ready. Make a mess. Who cares? You’re moving the needle and you can fix it and improve it day by day.

There is no one coming to save you or give you the green light to go and do anything. The right moment exists when you decide that the moment is now. The more you open up your mind to the fact that even when you’re showing up with plenty of discomfort, you’re proving to yourself that you can make yourself ready as soon as you throw yourself into it.

4. Rejection means you’re not good enough

Rejection is not a reflection of your worth or what you can and cannot do. It’s a sign you’re breaking walls down, you’re growing, and you’re getting closer to the better thing lined up waiting for you on the other side.

It doesn’t mean you don’t need to work on improving skills or shifting your strategy. It may mean you have to put in some more work to get to where you want to be. But the rejection might be the fuel you need to pivot and blow the next opportunity out of the water. While staying stagnant and in your comfort zone might’ve kept you in the same place, clueless on what else you have left to learn, do, or achieve (and there’s always something, by the way). The rejection may be exactly what you need for feedback to say, you know what? This isn’t happening again, and this is what I’m doing about it.

5. Change the way you speak

By this, I mean when we’re told to change our vocabulary and our tone to apply it to the room and earn more respect. That isn’t how to talk to people. How to talk to anyone? Start by looking at everyone through a mirror. Your objective should be to mirror the other person as much as possible to match their energy. Meet them where they are to make them feel seen, heard, and valued. All anyone wants is to feel like they matter, after all.

So yeah, maybe you do need to change the way you speak, but not as a one-size fits all manner. Everyone is different, and you need to learn how to be a chameleon in every space you walk into. You don’t need to change your own identity, just viewing them out of a lens with the intention of reading and matching the energy of the room. Don’t talk at people, align yourself in the conversation to make it an impactful experience.

Has anyone every given you one of these pieces of advice? How did it make you feel? How does it make you feel now? Let me know in the comments or reply via email!

Be sure to check out the full breakdown of this topic with some additional insights in the latest episode of The AHA! Moment Podcast, and remember to send this to a friend that it would help or inspire!

Cheers,

Angelina