How to know when it's time to quit

The three questions you need to ask yourself

We’ve all been there — when we can’t distinguish if we’re in a rut or if it’s time to quit. This applies to everything: a job, a romantic relationship, a friendship, a hobby, a passion project, etcetera. It can be daunting to think about, and that’s why many of us stay in limbo for too long. We avoid thinking about it, never come to a conclusion, and fear that this is probably as good as it’s going to get anyway. But then we get to a breaking point, and the thought crosses our minds: what if this isn’t as good as it gets?

That’s what I’m unpacking today. How do you know when it’s time to quit? How long should you give it? How should you be feeling at this point? How do you push yourself out of the mush? What happens next? There are so many anxiety-driven thoughts that circle our brains, enough to drive us crazy. The truth is, I don’t have the answers to any of the questions I just spit out. But what I do know are the right questions you should be asking yourself when you’re contemplating when it’s time to quit. Let’s dive in.

1. What am I struggling or not aligning with?

Get honest with yourself here. What’s missing or lacking in your life that’s something that you need and/or value? Do you not get enough recognition for your accomplishments at work? Do you just not feel passionate about your job? Is the romantic relationship just…meh? Are your friendships not inspiring you or bringing enough fulfillment and fun into your life? What is it?

It’s ok if there are multiple things that are not in alignment with your values anymore, too. It isn’t always necessarily just one thing. It could be a combination of things because everything is connected. If doing what you love matters to you and you hate your current job, chances are your relationship is only going to fill that void so much if connecting with your work is something that you genuinely value (and vice versa). So, you have the green light to make the list as long as you want. Go to town. What has been eating you alive that has you fed up? This is your time to wake up and become sick of your own BS.

2. Why is this happening for me?

Notice I’m not asking “why is this happening to me?” for a reason. As I always say, nothing is ever a waste of time. This season of life or rut that you’re in is trying to teach you something. You’re not just spiraling for no reason. Use this opportunity to get to know yourself better.

What are you learning about yourself right now? Are you finally figuring out that getting the appropriate credit for the work you put in at your company actually matters a lot more to you than you thought? Are you finally figuring out that you prefer to be in a relationship with someone with similar core values as you, rather than someone with a certain social or financial status?

When what you did not know about yourself before is starting to click with your current self, you start to see just a glimpse of why this rut needed to happen for you, and how you have complete autonomy over what your next step is. But before you get clear on what your next step is, you have to answer question #3.

3. What is contributing to the dead end and my pain, and have these contributions been eliminated?

Think long and hard about this one. Some of our lame habits and actions have become so engrained in our day-to-day that we don’t even realize how they’re keeping us on the dead end street. Additionally, many of us haven’t considered the minor altercations that can be made prior to us quitting. We end up quitting too soon and regretting leaving a good thing behind.

What’s keeping you stuck? What do you have the ability to change or eliminate today to create space for growth and expansion? If one of your struggles is your job having too far of a commute, have you even tried waking up fifteen minutes earlier so you’re not feeling like you’re on such a time crunch all the time? If you have and you learn about yourself that you prefer convenience over lower rent, quit the commuter life and make the move. Now you know. But you will never really know until you get creative in your ways of adapting.

When you’re in a rut, after spinning your wheels for so long, you do eventually figure out what’s keeping you stuck. But you don’t always have to quit and start over from scratch again. Reinventing the wheel is not necessarily the answer every time. Sometimes, the answer is to keep the bones while stripping the other aspects of the situation that aren’t sustainable anymore.

In Conclusion

Once you’ve answered these three questions, you should have a much clearer idea of whether you’re in a temporary rut or if it’s time to jump ship. Be patient with yourself through this process; the answers may not come to you all at once. You can’t time this kind of process. It’s more dependent on how honest you are with yourself, how willing you are to compartmentalize your ego and fears, and frankly, how fed up you are with your situation.

As someone who knows and loves a good impulsive snap (I tend to be short fused at times), what I love most about these questions is the grounding energy they bring to your nervous system. They don’t encourage or prompt you to act on reckless urges. They’re level-headed, objective questions that allow you to step outside of your own head. We all need some help with that sometimes.

I’ll leave you with this — know that being in the state of a rut is actually a positive thing. I understand it may feel like the sky is falling (trust me, I get it), but it’s not. It means change is coming. It means a breakthrough is on the other side of this, if you choose to get a grip on your own life again.

Whether you choose to get out of the rut or if you choose to quit and move on, either way, you win. There is no wrong answer here. Both avenues bring clarity. The only way to lose here is if you remain stagnant. The one culprit to turbulence and imbalance is lack of movement. Just like riding a bike, the only way to balance is to keep it moving! That power is in your hands.

If you take anything away from this, let it be this: You always have options. And sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is trust yourself enough to make a change—even when it feels scary.

I’d love to hear your thoughts—have you ever struggled with knowing when to quit? Reply or comment here and let me know. Until next time!

Cheers,

Angelina